Letter Writing – do you encourage your kids to write to you?

Dear mom, 

I hope you feel better today 

I love you 

Do you encourage your kids to write their feelings? I find that it is a good way not only for younger kids to practice their pencil grip, but to express and share with you what they are feeling.

I can’t remember exactly now how it all started, but my son started writing us ‘letters’ from since he can grip a pencil. First it was just scribbles and chicken scratches; then he added his name to his drawings in mirror image. It progressed to “I love you’s”; then on to the now two to three liners. Our home is riddled with his letters written on the back of scrap papers, post it notes, homemade cards, etc.  There is currently a sticky note by the light switch in his dad’s study which says –

Dear Dad,

I love you.

Don’t forget to switch off the light

At times when I was cross with him he would wrote me a note and placed it on my bed which says –

Dear mom,

I am sorry I made you upset today.

I love you.

I find that it was a wonderful way of acknowledging not only his feelings but mine too, and know that his actions had affected me and that he openly acknowledged it. I, in turn, would scribbled something below his note.

Down the hallway, on the pin board, my son wrote on scrap paper which he had initially folded and given to his dad as a secret message  –

I love this family. 

Dad pass this on the mom after reading this.

There are many other life skills developed out of this practice. But, I thought and I hope, that  by encouraging this act of letter writing, my son when he grows into that stage in his life where emotions are more complex and stress levels are starting to build, that he would be able to sit and write down his emotions and thoughts and either share them with me or anyone he desires to or just merely as an expression of relief. 

I once said to my son, “you know, if you don’t feel like talking to me, you can write me a note”. And write he did.

I wonder, do you practice the same in your household?  ♥

Reminder for the week : make an exception to the rule

We parents all have our firm set of rules which we expect our children to abide by.  Setting boundaries are essential right from the beginning of childhood to avoid any tantrums, fall outs or set backs as our kids get older. They could be as basic as washing hands before eating or no access to TV or tech during school week except for school related projects of course.

Setting rules keeps the house in order, the kids behavior in check and aligned expectations. But, it does not mean that an occasional misbehavior would mean a household meltdown. Every now and then we can make exceptions. Like –

Today, being Wednesday mid-week, you can watch an hour of Asterix and Obelix. 

By providing surprised exceptions the kids get that unexpected feeling of euphoria. When my son asks why, I just say 0

Just because. I think you deserve a break from your routine. 

Just like an employee being treated by his/her slave-driver boss to a no strings-attached day-off, the surprise you give to your kids out of that unexpected break re-inspires their spirit.

Go ahead and try it!  ♥

Extra-murals – how do you manage?

Quickly a split second – how many extra-murals has your kid got per week?

Chances are some of us will have to pause and go through the list per day of the week.

Monday he’s got soccer, Tuesday – Arts & Drama and Chess, Wednesday – Swimming and Tennis, Thursday – Kumon, Friday – Karate, Saturday – Karate.  Wow!

Why?

Because he’d like to do them. Because it’s better than doing nothing at home. Because most of his friends are doing the same activities. Because it keeps him busy.

Really?

Isn’t it too much for him?

Nah. They tire him out. He’s got so much energy that if I keep him around I’ll go nuts!

What about the costs?

Yeah, they all add up and sometimes I wonder if they will really benefit from  them in the long run.

Polyglot we’re not – the fun of learning a foreign language or two

I am excited! My son is learning Afrikaans and Xhosa at school. I love languages, and the fact that he is learning the very basic of these two languages (out of the 11 official South African languages) means that I get to learn them, too, along with him. Yay!

Over the weekend, I made a register of words my son has learnt so far in Afrikaans and already the list had more than 120 entries. Brill! I am elated, my son said, much more than him. While he regards learning Afrikaans and Xhosa as part of his school work and of owing this respect due to the fact that we live here, in South Africa. While other immigrants feel otherwise perhaps, I very firmly believe in the need to learn both Afrikaans and Xhosa (and the local languages if given the chance), because it will be to his/our advance in the long run, i.e. being able to effectively communicate with general South Africans.

The other day, my son came home while by the door him and our helper had this little conversation –

Son: Molo! Usaphila? 
Helper : Hayi, Ndisaphila. Wena, uphilile? 
Son: Ewe nam ndisaphila. Enkosi.

Though my son’s rendition still sounds mechanical, over time and practice, fluency will improve. So lovely to hear a young child speaking a different tongue.

Twelve Things Great Parents Do

12 Things Great Parents Do (HuffPost Parents)

I haven’t made up my mind yet whether to accept the title of being a “great parent”, because I know I am not. I am full of flaws and at best use my instinct and my common sense to help me navigate through the intricate web of parenting. But, just like most of us parents, I do my very best to nurture my child, and let him be the best he ever wants to be; for when I have done that, then I have achieved my purpose in life.

So, this article from the HuffPost grabbed my attention naturally. After all, even though I do not want the title of being a great parent, like you I aspire to be the best I could ever be as far as my son is concerned (but never in comparison with anyone).

Here then is a checklist of how parents handle their role to beget them the honor of being great parents (taken from The Blog : HuffPost Parents) :

 

When Parents Yell : the effect on children

What Happens When Parents Yell at their Children  (AhaParenting via The Mother Company)

When the message trickled into my home page, the title immediately caught my attention. What happens when parents yell at their children? I battle to contain myself sometimes and shameful as it is to admit, I sometimes am guilty of yelling at my child. However, because I honestly want to rid myself of that impulsive response to raise my voice, I make a very conscious and obvious effort to hold it in, if not for one last time, before I blow my top. And since I have been doing it, i.e. making that obvious conscious effort, I have been able to contain about 90% of my yelling. So, I suppose, I am getting there.

Having said the above, I must also mention that my child knows when I am holding it in, he perfectly reads my body language and tells me, “you look upset”. And I either admit that I am and tell him the real reason why I am upset with him or with whomever at that moment; or I chose to overcome my frustration and just take one big breath.

Say NO to Homework: The other take to it

Why We Say No To Homework  (Starlightning Mama)

Homework. Can you still remember how it was back then when you did your homework? I had lots, in fact I had loads! When I was in grade 4, we had to do 6 theme writing in English, and another 6 in our native language. All must be full page, not double spaced. This is on top of other homework we had to do for maths, research for science and a project. At grade 4 it not uncommon for me and 25 other classmates to sleep at 10 o’clock in the evening if not later, then waking up early enough to be at school by 7:45 the following morning. We also get homework for the weekend. And if for some reason our class slightly gets delayed meeting the school plantilla for the term, our class had to do make up class on Saturdays, too. So that was how I spent my grade school life.

So, I encountered this article above, about this mother who writes to her children’s teachers at the beginning of each school year, during their grade school years, to tell the teachers that their kids won’t do any homework for the duration of the year. I can almost see your foreheads cringing, but read on and understand her point of view.

After you read the article, try to read the comments which follow underneath and you will be further enlightened as to how other parents and educators view this mother’s sentiment.

It would be interesting to know what your take to it would be.

Happy reading ♥

Active or Aggressive Boys

 Understanding and Raising Boys  (PBS Parents)

Michael Thomson of Raising Cain fame shares with us his understanding of how boys behave. 

“Experts say that you should try not to compare your boy to other boys and keep in mind that there are many different kinds of boys. They range from the highly physical and highly competitive at one end, to the very peaceful quiet boy, who prefers to read. “Not all boys want to compete in sports, wrestle, and shoot guns. It’s important to remember that there are quiet boys and studious and bookish boys as well, and this is perfectly normal.”  Michael Thompson.

Whether my son is sporty or not, I will not have it any other way. I am happy, content and proud of have a boy for a child.

Read on ♥

10 Tips for Raising a Good Sport

10 Tips for Raising A Good Sport (PBS Parents)

It’s a highly competitive world our kids are now exposed in. Physically and otherwise. And it gets more hectic year by year. I do not know about you, but I find the competitiveness among children do not necessarily emanate from them, but from parents themselves. There is this drive from modern parents to push their kids to the top. Just check on the amount of activities children these days do from literally three months.

So if parents are driving their kids to be competitive, they also better be teaching them how to be good sports. I remember this kid from the block who would throw a fit if he loses his turn, he carried this character through to his adult life.

So to summarize briefly, the 10 things we should be imparting to our kids to be good sports –

Helicopter Parenting : do you hover over your kids?

Not to long ago, I was asked to be a guest writer for The Awakened Parent blog and the topic was about hovering parents. Below is the full article I wrote –

Helicopter Parenting. It is when we as parents ‘hover’ over our children, no matter what age, constantly checking on how they are doing; a habit we as parents develop from when they were born. And mothers are more guilty, I think that the dads.

As parents we fuss about our children from birth until forever at least for some. It is this nurturing instinct that we parents find difficult to shed. But is it good or bad? It depends, in my opinion.